Friday, July 6, 2012

TODAY IS CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION


Today, 10 years ago, my life came to a complete stop and, in the days that followed, it would be flipped upside down. We left Vanceburg, KY, bound for Ashland, KY. I hadn’t been feeling well for a few days so while we were in Vanceburg, I went to the hospital in Maysville, KY. The doctor in Maysville did a cursory exam and told me that I had a kidney infection. He prescribed some antibiotics and sent me packing. Well by the end of the drive to Ashland, I was doubling over in pain. My mother rushed me to the emergency room at Kings Daughter Memorial Hospital and after listening to me describe my symptoms, the Doctor did a full medical workup. When the results for the blood-work came back, the doctor thought I had appendicitis so he sent me for a cat scan to confirm his diagnosis. Little did we both know what lay in store. The results showed a large mass in my abdomen. I was admitted and scheduled for surgery two days later on Monday.

After I woke up, the doctor told me he removed one of my ovaries that had a ten pound tumor attached. He thought the tumor was benign since it was so large and I really hadn’t been experiencing ill health until that week. He said the pathology would be back at the end of the week to determine if it was cancer or not. That Friday, I received the news everyone dreads: the tumor was indeed malignant… I had CANCER.  I was scheduled to follow up with a GYN Oncologist two weeks later. I was told before he discharged me that he didn’t think it was an aggressive type of cancer. I suppose he said that to calm my fears. After all, I had just turned 30 and I wasn’t ready to face my own mortality. I left the hospital and went home with my sister-in-law to recuperate. After staying with her for about a week, I insisted that I was well enough to go back to work. She of course knew better but I was adamant. I know now I was trying to run from my diagnosis. I thought that by going back to work, my life would return to normal and I wouldn’t have to confront my demons.

After a week back with the Circus, I made a return trip to Ashland to see the GYN Oncologist and discover what kind of cancer I actually had. What he told me just devastated me more. The pathology showed an extremely aggressive cancer called Mixed Mullerian Tumor, or Carcinosarcoma. He was shocked to see it in someone my age. It’s a cancer that affects post-menopausal women. He told me my traveling days were done and I needed to seek immediate medical attention to get the full scope on how far my cancer had spread. We decided to look for an oncologist around the area my sister-in-law & brother lived. An appointment was set up and a week later I was boarding a flight in Washington, DC to take me away from the job I loved. The night before I left, the entire show turned out for my farewell party. I cried later that night, not knowing if I would ever see them again. I landed and the next day, I met with my second oncologist. After meeting with that oncologist, I was scheduled for another surgery. So for the second time in less than two months, I was admitted to the hospital. I was given a radical hysterectomy, along with an omentectomy. The omentum is a layer of tissue that hangs down from the stomach and a place cancer cells love to inhabit.

After that surgery, I decided to find out all I could about the type of cancer I had. Every article I found on the internet didn’t offer much hope for a long life. Most patients diagnosed with this type of cancer died within two years. There were a few patients that lived 3-4 years with it, but almost all died before 5 years passed. Naturally, I freaked out!! Here I was, 30 years old, thinking I was going to die before I turned 35. The doctor tried to assure me that every patient was different and nothing was set in stone. I wanted so desperately to believe him but gloom settled over me like a black cloud. I became so depressed that I lost myself in that gloom. I eventually let go of that black cloud and decided that if I was to die young, I wouldn’t want to spend my final days wrapped in misery.

I went through two years of checkups every three months to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned. After the two years, they made the checkups every six months. Still, the cancer didn’t come back. Now 10 years later, I am still CANCER FREE!!  I am so glad that I learned to let go and live life to the fullest.

For anyone newly diagnosed with cancer, remember that it is a fight that can be won, even if the odds seemed stacked against you. Don’t let gloom and despair be your companions; instead let the love of God shine through to light your darkest hour. I know it was through His love that I was given a new chance at life.

To close, I’m posting a favorite video of mine by Tim McGraw. The title: LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING.  I know I have ever since I was given this new lease on life.

Until later, God Bless...

Monday, May 7, 2012

Life's Bumps In The Road



Today marks three months since I had to say good-bye to Smokey and I find myself still missing him so much.

In an effort to keep myself distracted and moving forward, I have thrown myself into my studies at college. For my first semester, I earned a perfect 4.0 GPA. That GPA should make me completely ecstatic, but it just barely cracks the sorrow. I guess that’s because it’s now springtime, what was Smokey’s favorite time of the year. I would hook him up on his leash & we would take walks so he could eat all the fresh green grass he wanted, until his heart was content.

I have begun thinking of all the good times we had together and they bring a smile to my face, so I guess I’m slowly coming back to life. I know he wouldn’t want me to grieve forever & I am really trying to let the healing process have a place in my life. It probably would have been easier if he had passed away as an old kitty in his sleep, instead of having to make that decision to end his life. I know that it ended the pain he was in but that knowledge still doesn’t answer why he had to suffer in the first place. Maybe God decided to let Satan test my faith, like He did with Job. I have had some rough times since that day but I stand firm and secure, enveloped in the Lord’s Love. With Him holding my hand every step of the way, I know the sorrow of losing Smokey will lessen with time and His patience & understanding will give me the support I need to make it over the rough patches.

His second favorite pasttime...no matter how small,
Smokey would find a way to fit in a box :)
 




Until later, God Bless…

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Tornado Outbreak 2012

In the mountains of Eastern Kentucky, nestled deep in the valley, is the little town of West Liberty. Just on the outskirts, at the top of one of the mountains, is Morgan County Fairgrounds. I was here for one day in August 2010 with Lewis & Clark Circus. Why am I picking out a town that I was barely in to write about?

Yesterday, March 2, West Liberty was hit by a tornado just two days after being pummeled by one on February 29. So far, it has been reported that three people lost their lives yesterday & the town totally destroyed.  For a town to be doubly devastated within a week kicks my empathy into overdrive. I may not be a resident of  that town but anytime I hear of the loss of life or devastation in a town that I showed, it makes me pause & take stock. I remember the bustling activity of thriving businesses & the patrons that filled our bleachers. I wonder if those that lost their lives might have at one time sat with their children thru one of our performances, delighting in the look of joy on the kid's faces.

After last year's horrific outbreak, I thought that Mother Nature had wreaked her vengenance. For extreme meteorlogical event to occur not even a year later has not been documented, that I am aware of.
WEST LIBERTY, KY 
The road on the left leads up to the Fairgrounds.
I was pulled to the top by my Boss's bus via
a chain hooked to my Trailblazer.
 THE TORNADOS



THE AFTERMATH


Since seeing these photos, I am at a loss for words.  I pray for those who lost loved ones & may God give them comfort during these dark hours. For any who read my blog, please spread the word about the relief efforts of the Red Cross. Any donations are welcome to help our fellow countrymen during their hour of need. 

Here is information from the Red Cross website regarding donations:
If someone would like to help people affected by disasters like tornadoes and floods, they can make a donation to support American Red Cross Disaster Relief by visiting www.redcross.org, calling 1-800-RED CROSS (1-800-733-2767) or texting the word REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation. Contributions may also be sent to their local Red Cross chapter or to the American Red Cross, P.O. Box 37243, Washington, DC 20013.

 Until later, God Bless...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

HARD DECISIONS


SMOKEY JOE HAMMOND
SEPT. 15, 2000-FEB. 7, 2012


Today, I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my whole adult life…I was called upon to show my furry companion of the last 11 years a final act of love. It was a decision I hoped I would never have to make.  

Smokey Joe Hammond, or Smokal, as I endearingly called him, was my steadfast & loyal pet. He never made any demands upon me and was there to comfort me whenever I cried. He gave me encouragement to go on when I felt like curling up into a ball while I fought my battle with cancer. He gave his love unconditionally & was loved in return.

I remember the day my friend called me up & asked me if I would watch him for a couple of weeks while she found him a home. She had found him abandoned in a convenience store parking lot. I said “Sure, I’ll be happy to” and on November 15, 2000 he came into my life. He was scared of me & for the next 3 days hid from me. I knew he was still in my home because he was eating and drinking while I was at work. After that 3rd day though, during the middle of the night, my furnace quit working. Around 2 a.m., I woke up & felt something furry down around my ankles. I cautiously lifted my blanket & he looked back at me & mewed. After that night, Smokal always curled up in the crook of my arm whenever it was time for bed. I knew then that he had found his furr-ever home.

In 2002, when my cancer was discovered, I went to stay with my brother & sister-in-law.  During my chemotherapy treatments, I had to stay at the hospital for almost a week. My sister-in-law told me he would roam around the house meowing & looking for me.  In two short years, his devotion to me was evident to all those around me. The day I came home from the hospital, he was right there to greet me & followed me around the house like a little puppy, even though he was a kitty.

I wish I could have had more time with him but God decided that he was needed at the Rainbow Bridge. I can see him now, stretched out regally and munching on the grass. He loved going out for walks on his leash & stopping every little ways to pluck a choice blade to gobble up. I will keep him in my heart forever and look forward to the day we are reunited & cross the bridge into heaven, never to be apart again.
GOOD-BYE SMOKEY JOE
For 11 years, your fur wiped away my tears
And your meows calmed my fears.
Your devotion was steadfast and true
I could always count on you.

Now I feel lost and alone, cast adrift,
I never dreamed our parting would be so swift.
The hole in my heart has yet to be reconciled
With the words “Give yourself time, the pain will fade after a while.” 

Now I am left behind, sorting thru all my memories of you,
To commemorate your life and give you the recognition you’re due.
They are all flashing thru my mind with amazing speed,
Giving me the comfort I so desperately need. 

For now we are apart, but in time that will change
And when the Lord calls me home, together we will roam on His open range.
R.I.P. My Dear Smokal Lokal…

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reflections of 2011

January 1, 2012....The first day of a brand new year & a fitting time to reflect on last year.  Last year, I traveled to 110 cities & logged an amazing 15,000 miles of driving time.  I lived in a 24' travel trailer for 187 days, little over 6 months.  Of those 187 days, 157 were spent in a different town, either for one day or two days, never longer.  I witnessed 2 tornados and lost 2 friends & an uncle to cancer. I made several good friends online & had the opportunity to meet 7 of them in my travels.

Ok, I know...why all the fascination with numbers?  Let's start with the cities...  110 cities meant that I had to type 110 route slips, one for each of the different cities, so our drivers had directions to get to the next town...I also had to make 110 recordings for an annoucement that we made prior to our showing in that town...157 days meant that I had to place online ticket information a total of 314 times, for the two shows we had daily. The six months that I lived in the travel trailer meant I slept on a foam cushion for more than 1/2 the year & let me tell you something, you haven't lived until you've done that.  It may seem like I'm complaining but I enjoyed everything associated with my job. The thrill of being in a new town & meeting new people has always been a great perk.  I have always enjoyed traveling.

The two tornados have a real significance because in the 20 years I traveled, I never saw a single one.  To witness not one, but two, within the span of a single month, was something I never thought I would experience in my lifetime. 

The two friends & uncle I lost to cancer are the saddest occurences that could have happened this year.  The two friends I lost earlier this year & my uncle passed away just 5 days before Christmas.  It's always tough to lose a loved one but losing them before the holidays always seems tougher. This year marks my tenth anniversary as a cancer survivor so when I lose someone I know to cancer it's always a stark reminder that every day I need to live to the fullest because you never know what tommorow holds. I pray that a cure will be found.

Finally, the friends I made online have become dear to me & the ones I have met is a blessing.  They have been there for me when I needed advice or just a shoulder to cry on.  They kept me informed when the weather was severe & I didn't have any way to tell if I was in danger.  To all of you, thank you for everything!!

Happy New Year to all & God bless everyone in 2012!

Monday, November 14, 2011

THE END IS NEAR

As I sit here writing, I'm looking back & reflecting on this past season.  We will be closing the show down for the winter in two days.  From the time we left in March until now, this season has been filled with its ups & downs. 

The worst part of the season that will haunt me forever was the violent weather that unfolded this Spring.  People all across the South are still struggling to rebuild their lives.  In the hardest hit areas, I met adults & children that looked for diversions to bring joy & cheer back into their lives.  Our little show provided them with a slight respite from their everyday worries.  The joy and happiness that I witnessed on their faces as they watched the show made my day.  I was truly humbled to be a small part of their lives as they moved forward to forget the pain & devastation.

The best part was meeting the friends that I made through the ClubNorthwestern forum.  I was truly honored that they took an interest in my chosen career & the many prayers they said for our crew's safety.   I got to meet several of them when I flew to Seattle for CatchCon, as I wrote about in a previous post.  Then, as our showed traveled the East coast, I got to see & visit with them again.  I am glad that I took the leap & joined the forum.  I have made some lasting friendships thru that site! :)

Another great highlight of this year was getting to see my friend from High School that I hadn't seen in over 20 years while I was in Seattle.  We talked about the old days & how time has flown by.  We did quite a bit of sightseeing & I enjoyed catching up with her.

I also got to visit with my brother & his family for a couple of days in June.  My nephews are growing like weeds.  From the time I held the youngest as a newborn until now, I cherish every moment that I get to spend with them.

Of course there was some not so good times.  About 2 weeks ago, I came down with bronchitis & a nasty stomach flu.  I got so dehydrated that I had to get IV fluids at the hospital.  In addition to my health troubles, my truck also decided that it wanted some attention. One of the alternator connections burnt in two & was arcing fire. After paying a Ford garage almost $550.00, I had to drive a 100 miles back to the show.  I didn't get more than 5 miles before the truck shut off on me again.  I ended up having to pay again for the truck to be towed back to the same garage.  They ran a diagnostic on it & told me the crank position sensor was also bad.  After all was said & done, I paid that garage almost $800.00 to fix two things.  With it this close to this end of the season, forking out that kind of money is enough to make you cry & spoil any plans for a getaway vacation.

All in all I had a wonderful time this season & will be eager to get the ball rolling for next year's season.  I will leave you with beautiful shot of the evening sky, taken about a week ago in Springfield, GA.

As always, thanks to all who read my blog.

God bless & see you down the road!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

On Monday, I was in Crowley, LA, which is situated in the heart of Acadian Louisiana.  The temps ranged from mid-70's to low 90's.  We drove 45 miles yesterday morning to New Iberia and the temperature was around 68 degrees.  Around noon, a cold front blew thru & the temperature dropped dramatically to 45. Last night the wind was blowing 30 miles an hour so it felt like 25.  I am not complaining about the sudden change in climate though.  This summer was unprecedented with extreme heat that didn't relent until the end of September.  I said I would welcome cooler weather with open arms & I meant it.

We were right next to a Bayou in New Iberia, a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes.  When we arrived, they attacked us relentlessly. The only way we could get any relief was to saturate ourselves with Deep Woods Off.  If you have never had to spray yourself with this, consider yourself lucky.  Not only is it smelly, it leaves such a sticky residue on your skin, I wondered if it wouldn't be better to just go without it.  After the cold front arrived though, I only found one mosquito.  She is no longer with us, as she decided the perfect resting place was on my white window blind.

Today, we drove 95 miles to Port Allen, LA, just on the outskirts of Baton Rouge.  The grounds are nice, a large gravel field, so if it does rain, there will be no chance of us getting stuck.  We also have all the amenities of home...a 30 amp camper hookup for electricity & a direct hookup for water. We have had good luck so far on this part of the tour with being able to find city power & not rely on generators, which is a wonderful thing considering the price of gas.  Also, my generator died about 3 weeks ago, so I will have to find an alternate generator to use whenever there is not city power. 

I have had a chance to sightsee some of the towns that we have been in but there was one town in particular that had a wonderful church steeple.  Here is a picture of it:

The steeple was on the First Episcopal Church in Port Gibson, MS.  The hand was designed with one finger pointing to Heaven.  It truly inspired me. There were also many Antebellum homes that I got to see.  Here is a photo of the grandest one:


I had a great time seeing these fantastic homes.  I hope in the future that I can see more.  It's almost time for the second show of the evening so it's time for me to run.

Until later, God Bless, see you down the road.